I am not alone. I am not. But I am essentially. I've been in love with someone for 3 years who will not try. I have gone on a few dates with a guy who lives an hour away. I haven't had sex since Thanksgiving, which we ignore having happened. I am lonely. I am horny. I need skin contact.
All of this is pointless because I will not be able to change this. I can't sleep well, because I wake up not breathing, or with a panic attack. I try to not let it bother me. I try not to bother my friends with it. I just am tired of pretending to be ok. It is starting to fail and piss off the people who spend the most time with me.
This month off has been hard and full of too many thoughts. I'm tired of all or nothing love, and painful feelings. It would be great if I could stop feeling.
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