Following rules made up day by day

I just want to be able to have my best friend in my life and still be able to try to figure out if I can have someone to date. I just want to be happy. But I also want everyone else to be happy first, and it is really hard to achieve that. I am working so hard to be better, and I rarely have that recognized by the one person who is supposed to have my back, who I have their back constantly. I am so tired of fighting. I am so tired of giving in to preserve a friendship that he seems to want nothing to do with. I am so tired of not being enough, and of not being first choice, and of not being someone's person. I'm tired of not being happy, and settling for not having bad days. Don't I deserve to be happy and try to have happiness in my life?