Boundaries

Boundaries.

Yes, there are times that they make sense.

HOWEVER, when your only explanation for giving boundaries is that you don't want awkwardness, it doesn't make a damn bit of sense.

It is only awkward if you think it is, considering that I don't. You're the one who doesn't want feelings getting in the way. I can't think of another way that feelings won't be an issue.

*********************************************************************************

There are days I want to run away, just say fuck all of this, and start off somewhere completely new, as someone completely different. But I can't, because I know that I have too many people relying on me for that to be a thing.

And I have a love that I couldn't run away from if I tried, not that that matters.

I would follow him anywhere, and he would hate me for it.

"I've been the strong one for so long,
but I was wrong,
It doesn't make you weak if you're needing someone I'm not holding back
I know what I want.
I am beautiful with you.
I am beautiful with you.
You want me for myself.
You get me like no one else.
I am beautiful with you."

                                                                             Beautiful with you by Halestorm

On being the dependable friend

I haven't always been the dependable friend. I used to flake out all the time, and I would change my mind oftentimes at the last minute, while I was on my way still deciding if I wanted to go.

Now I have a lot of people who are depending on me: my best friend depends on me to get him to work, a few friends getting married depend on me to help make sure things go as planned....all this plus work responsibilities, and family requirements. There is a lot of work that goes into those things, and doing those things for people changes how I can schedule my days. It makes it hard for me to have my random days off, where I just get in the car and go. It makes it hard to make plans, because I have set things that I have to do each week, and I can't just blow those things off.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, or that I resent it happening. What I am saying is that I have a sort of structure and stability in my life for the first time in a really long time, and that takes some getting used to.